I jerk awake, nearly falling out of bed, my hand flying out to catch myself on the nightstand before I can topple to the floor.
“Dammit, Rudy, knock it off,” I growl, my voice like gravel from the dryness of sleep. I kick at my sheets, tangled around my legs and rub my hands over my eyes while the damn mutt ignores me and continues on with his canine theatrics. “Rudy!”
He whines and trots into the bedroom, jumping up onto the foot of the bed and cocking his head at me, one ear flopping to the side while the other stands up straight like it always does, as if to ask why I wouldn’t want to wake up to his barking at six in the morning on a Saturday.
Now that he’s quiet though, it becomes obvious that the rumbling sound wasn’t only in my dream.
“Mother fucking god damn shithead,” I grumble, throwing my blankets back and tear out of bed with my jaw set and my hand already forming into a fist. Rudy gives an excited bark, jumping off the bed and trotting after me.
Two months. That dickhead has lived next door for two months and I swear to god he has made it his mission to find a new way to piss me off nearly every day. I stomp through the kitchen towards the backdoor, flinging it open and stepping out onto my back deck, not bothering with the fact that I’m not wearing anything besides my boxers.
Sure enough, he’s out there mowing his lawn like it’s a thing to do at such an ungodly hour. Last weekend he was using a buzz saw, the one before that it was a leaf blower. Never mind the fact that it’s goddamn July and all the motherfucking leaves are still on the cock sucking trees.
Okay, maybe I’m a little moody before my coffee, but it’s justified. I wouldn’t be surprised if I woke up next weekend to find him using a jackhammer to tear up his entire driveway just to piss me off.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I roar. Of course, he doesn’t hear me over the noise of his lawnmower. “Hey, Asshole!” I shout again, waving my arms in hope of catching his attention.
After a minute he looks in my direction, a cocky grin spreading over those full, irritating lips of his. The sound of the lawn mower cuts off and he waves at me.
“Howdy neighbor. How are you this morning?”
“I swear to all that is holy, if you don’t knock it off, I’m going to dig a hole in my backyard and bury you alive.”