Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts

Friday, October 22, 2021

RELEASE BLITZ, EXCERPT, GIVEAWAY & REVIEW - Never Fade Away by E.L. Esch

 

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Release Blitz, Excerpt & Giveaway:
Never Fade Away
By E. L. Esch

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Cover Designer is Samantha at https://www.amaidesigns.com/


Until death does us part, but it's knocking on our door…

I'd had enough. That's how I found myself in a dingy alleyway with my revolver in my hand. I was sick and dying anyway, and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing except maybe taking back some shred of control by going out on my own terms.

One deep breath. Two… Three… Four…

Surrounded by the darkness of my own mind, this was the only solution I could see, but before I could do something I’d regret, rock star Anno Goodkind crashed into my life and flipped it upside down.

It was supposed to be one casual hookup. No complications and definitely no feelings. No, the most logical thing to do would be to stuff my emotions down so nobody got hurt. Especially not him. But nobody told me that love didn’t give a damn about logic.

CONTENT WARNING: This story has a HEA but deals with heavy themes of illness, suicide, anxiety, and depression. Reader discretion is advised.

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My Rating - 4.5 Stars!

Never Fade Away is an emotional romance by EL Esch. 

Be prepared for a tough read when you dive into this one. It's heavy and a tough read at times. But it's well worth it when you're in the mood for something serious. 

The book explores some tough subjects, including mental illness, suicide,  cancer and addiction. The very first page dives into attempts of suicide. 

Obviously these are some important world wide issues. I appreciate the way the author illustrated them. 

The characters are real, complex, and imperfect. They have to deal with the above issues, in addition to regret, forgiveness, and acceptance. They deal with death sentences, and living for the now. And they deal with falling in love.

There is nothing light hearted about this read. But it's beautiful and ends in a way I didn't see coming. 

Never Fade Away is a riveting novel by EL Esch. This book is raw, gritty, and all consuming. Definitely check it out the next time you're in the mood for a heavy read. 

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“We have to stop meeting like this.”

“Like what? This is literally the first time we’ve met like this.” I stepped out of my car and slammed the door shut behind me. I’d parked in the circular part of the driveway in front of Anno’s home. He stood leaning against his front door, arms crossed, with the dumbest smile on his face.

Seeing him again lit a fire in me I hadn’t felt since the last time. My heart thundered in my chest and my whole body tingled from just looking at him. He was in black jeans and a sleeveless leather biker jacket with silver studs lining the collar. Three decorative belts hung around his hips, all black with various designs embossed in the leather. An array of colored bracelets slid down his tattooed wrist as he waved me over.

He always had such impeccable style. I, on the other hand, typically wore plain-colored tees without any kind of design or logos and basic blue jeans. Anno’s look stirred desires in me so filthy that I had to take a second to cool off before I joined him at the door.

“You cut your hair.” He sounded pleased by this discovery. “It’s hot. Nothing to grab, though.”

His lips curled into the most devious grin I’d ever had the pleasure to see. He exaggerated his lean against the door and lowered his head so he could look up at me through his eyelashes.

I loved his confidence. He knew what he wanted and he had no problem letting me know, but I wasn’t letting him win that easily.

“I thought I was here to look at your deck.” I sidled past him, the whole of my body brushing against his as I opened his front door and invited myself in. I saw the way he side-eyed me with his lips drawn, and the little eyebrow waggle he did as I passed when he thought I couldn’t see.

“You are.” He followed me inside. “This way.” He passed by me unnecessarily close, and his shoulder rubbed against mine.

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Enter the Giveaway:

To celebrate the Release of Never Fade Away, Eryn is giving away a $10 Amazon Voucher and e-copy of Never Fade Away!

Enter the Rafflecopter giveaway for your chance to win!

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Direct Link: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/cc0f2a57308/?

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I’m a huge gamer, a lover of books and art, and have a fascination for lizards and other small critters that borders on an obsession. Which is probably why I already own 3 and have to actively stop myself from getting more.

I began writing because I always loved the idea that words can create entire universes and characters from nothing but a blank page and an idea. Like one day you have an empty Word document and then in as little as a few minutes—boom! You just created a snarky art school graduate with purple hair whose blood may actually be 90% coffee.

I write Male/Male adult romance. My books usually focus on realistic life topics—stuff everyday people go through and struggle with. I like when we as readers can feel connected to the characters we’re reading about. When we can understand their feelings and then suddenly they become truly human.

Please consider signing up for new release information through my newsletter at my website:
https://www.eleschbooks.com

Connect with Eryn:
Website: https://www.eleschbooks.com
Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/author.elesch
Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/elesch
Instagram Follow - https://www.instagram.com/e_l_esch/
Bookbub Follow - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/e-l-esch
Goodreads Follow - https://www.goodreads.com/e-l-esc
Amazon Follow -  https://amazon.com/author/elesch


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Thursday, July 8, 2021

Holt's Hope (Protect and Serve #5) by Pandora Pine

 


Amazon Link   - Available in KU  





Former Army pilot Quentin Harding has finally gotten his life back on track after a devastating injury ended his military career. Flying has always been his greatest dream come true, a dream he thought was over after his helicopter was shot down. Qualifying as an Angel Flight pilot, Quentin can take to the skies once again, helping people receive care unavailable in their hometowns.

Cancer patient Holt Robertson’s only lifeline is his weekly Angel Flight chopper trip from Albany to Boston to receive treatment for leukemia while he waits on a potential matching bone marrow donor. Usually a boring trip, he’s surprised to meet new pilot, Quentin, who isn’t at all what Holt bargained for. Tall, and handsome, he’s the kind of man who could give Holt something to live for. If only Quentin felt the same way in return.

When Holt’s condition takes a turn for the worse, Quentin steps up to the plate offering him a place to stay as his course of treatment ramps up. Living in the crazy McCoy household, Holt finds himself falling for Quentin’s brothers, his rambunctious nieces, and falls hardest of all for Quentin himself.

Faced with illness, frustration, and a drop of sunshine, both men fight for love and a bright future filled with endless tomorrows.

Holt’s Hope is the final book in the Protect and Serve series. Catch up with all your favorite characters and their ultimate happy endings!
 




My Rating - 5 Stars!


Holt's Hope is a wonderful addition to the Protect & Serve series. The fifth book in this Pandora Pine series, it's best read as part of the series. 

Holt and Quentin are two men who feel an instant connection. Holt is getting cancer treatments, and finds himself under Quentin's care.

Both men know pain and suffering. Quentin's experiences make it easy for him to feel comfortable with Holt. Of course, Holt is used to people not knowing how to talk to him as he's sick.

These men are fabulous. Quentin's past includes a mentally ill mother who couldn't care for him. He spent years in the military, leaving without a leg. This is a man who knows suffering, and yet also knows how to survive.

Then there's Holt who's sick and isn't used to a caring, supportive, and accepting family like Quentin's.

They are wonderful together, easily falling in love, with both being exactly what the other needs.

And as always, Mandy and David are family goals. They are absolutely amazing parents. And we get more Lola, who I just adore. I would read this just for her. This entire large family is amazing. As usual, the author excels in developing a strong and loving family who the reader easily wishes to be a part of. 

The beauty of this author is her ability to write a tale with some extremely serious issues without ever making the story heavy. I appreciate this whole heartedly. It's a gift to keep everything light despite the trauma involved. And as a reader, I can't get enough of the way Pandora writes. 

I'll admit I was a little distracted by some of the Albany info, as I wish it had been the real names instead of made up names. But that is on me, and most people wouldn't ever even notice. But, I did cringe every time the airport's name is mentioned.

Holt's Hope is sweet, tender, and cute. And the ending, oh the ending! It's wonderfully sweet and perfect. Overall, this is another feel-good, charming Pandora Pine read. 



Sunday, February 28, 2021

RELEASE TOUR, EXCERPT, GIVEAWAY & REVIEW - How to Live (Lovestrong #7) by Susan Hawke

 

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Release Tour, Excerpt & Giveaway:
How To Live
By Susan Hawke

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 LOVESTRONG, Book 7

Take one clueless, spoiled guy with notoriously bad luck…

When Derek Leigh is diagnosed with breast cancer at twenty-four, it’s the final straw in a lifetime of bad luck. If he’s going to die, it’ll be on his terms… with one helluva party that packs a lifetime’s worth of fun into whatever time he has left. To make this happen, Derek blows up his life: dumps the long-term boyfriend in the worst way possible, borrows money he can’t repay from a loan shark, and heads to Atlantic City... where his luck unexpectedly changes, giving him fresh hope.

Add one easygoing tattoo artist with a big, open heart…

Asher Matthews has dealt with a lot in his thirty-five years: he and his twin were born addicted to heroin and abandoned at birth… until Mama Maisie added them to her brood of lost boys. ADHD and dyslexia didn’t keep him from following his dream of opening his own tattoo shop, especially with his family’s support. With all that he’s been given in life, Asher makes a point of giving back where he can.

To equal two men who instantly connect in all the best ways.

Derek is shocked to not only survive his cancer treatment, but to come to the end of it in great health. Too bad he’s blown through all his money, lost his car, and has nowhere to turn. On a whim, he goes for a free tattoo. Asher takes one look at the sexy twink who’s down on his luck and offers him a room, a job, and even better, a friend. If they have a little no-strings fun along the way, it’s fine. It’s not like anyone is looking to fall in love, right?

This 55k novel is the seventh book in the LOVESTRONG series about finding love and being yourself in a small town. Watch out for ridiculous amounts of money won and lost, a butler who takes everything in stride, and a scruffy dog you’ll want to cuddle. This is an mm romance full of all the fun, laughter, and sweet feels you’d want from a Susan Hawke book.

Possible trigger for anyone currently fighting cancer or closely related to a breast cancer patient. The book is low angst and the experience is gently handled, but the subject matter is present.

Universal Link

Lovestrong Series on Goodreads

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My Rating - 4.5 Stars!

How To Live is the seventh book in Susan Hawke's Lovestrong series. It's a magnificent book, but damn, it's an emotional rollercoaster for sure. 

Derek's the main man in this tale. And, damn, he's both likeable and easy to hate at the same time. When he's diagnosed with breast cancer, it's easy to sympathize. 

But damn, he's also so damn reckless and self sabotaging. To understand him though makes it forgivable. He's a man who assumes he's about to die. He thinks nothing of living in the moment. And damn, it's tough to read. I really wanted to yell at him and smack some sense into him. But, alas, he's careless. And it catches up with him. 

Luckily for him, he meets Asher at a time when he's at rock bottom.

Derek's journey is one hell of a ride. He learns endless amounts about himself by then end. His inability to do the most basic of things is staggering. But, yes, the way it's developed, it makes sense. Trust me, the author knows what she's doing.

As for Asher, well, he's just damn perfect. He's solid, dependable, has a great family, and is all around lovable. Best of all though is the way he deals with Derek.

The breast cancer aspect is fantastic. I love that the author decided to write about a man with breast cancer, as so often people assume a man can't get it. But, yes, they can and they do. I hope a lot of people read this book and take note. 

Susan's writing is amazing. I may not enjoy all of Derek's choices, but the character development is wonderful. And the storyline is heartfelt, emotional, and poignant. 

How to Live is another fabulous addition to this series. Susan Hawke digs deep in this one, to bring us a character who has as many ups and downs in a short period of time that one can have. 

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Hunter used to tell me how cute my cluelessness was, but I never understood how truly out of it I had been until recently. Simply living at the cheap motel was eating up my money at an alarming

rate, especially when I had a real need to eat every day and drove a gas-burning car.

Simply thinking about it had me clenching my fists. I wasn't even meant to still be alive, dammit. And yes, breathing was preferable, but I wasn't supposed to have to worry about finances.

All the money I'd won, and now I was afraid to tip the maids when they brought toilet paper and freshened the room because I might need it to buy a greasy burger from the value menu in another week or two.

"I beg your pardon, Derek. I'm sensing a lot of anger in your demeanor. Would you like to talk about your feelings for a few minutes?" Ted's voice startled me, nearly making me jump.

You could call me an asswipe because you wouldn’t be wrong, but my first thought was maybe if I talked, then Ted would stop. For a few blissful seconds, the monotone would end. For that thought alone, I wanted to slap myself.

Chagrined and blushing, I nodded. "You know what, Ted? You're right. I think I am angry. I should warn you, though. My self-talk is so bitchy I really can't even with my own damn self, so maybe it's best I don't share?"

Ted shocked me by laughing. Actually fucking laughing. "Derek, anger is a healthy emotion, part of the grieving process I was discussing with you. In a couple weeks, you’ll be finished with your cancer treatments, won’t you? This is when real-world problems and emotions start taking over again as the fear of dying recedes. But part of your recovery is whole body, and that means your mind. You have to deal with your feelings, Derek, if you want to be completely healed."

He was so encouraging, I wanted to sink into the floor and bury myself on the spot. Seriously, could I have been a bigger jerk?

"You might be right, Ted. But how will talking about my anger help my other problems? Problems I was apparently too clueless to even see coming in time to make wiser decisions. My ex-boyfriend was right. I might be cute and have a great personality, but I'm really not equipped to manage my own life."

"I feel like your ex-boyfriend might have had good intentions, but he was wrong. You mentioned having a bachelor's degree? Unless somebody earned it for you, its existence alone proves you're capable of being educated. If you don't know how to manage your life, maybe you were never taught?"

Wow. His statement was… something to consider. "I mean, I definitely did the work. But my grandmother paid for my education. I never had to get a job. She wanted me to have the full college experience and not have to worry about anything. And growing up, the household staff took care of my needs. Any decisions were handled by my father."

"And how did your upbringing make you feel, Derek?"

How did I feel? What kind of question was he asking?

"I don't know, Ted. I will have to think about what I feel, I suppose. If you're asking if my upbringing is what I'm angry about, I don't know. Maybe? Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather break something then talk about this more."

Ted's eyes lit up. He sat forward, rubbing his palms together with a surprisingly normal grin. "Then you should. Take something you don't care about or an item with negative memories and destroy it. Smash it, break it, burn it—do whatever it takes. I'll be interested to know if you feel better after it's gone."

Don't ask him, don't go there, don't you do it, Derek. No. Hard, unequivocal no. Annnd on my next breath, I found myself doing it, opening my mouth, and flapping my yap, and yes—arranging a follow-up visit.

It was patently obvious I not only had problems saying no, but I was also a martyr. There was no other explanation why I would voluntarily put myself through another grueling session with Monotone Ted.

Although he had made a good suggestion, and I had to admit the man deserved to hear the story later after I purged my anger in an epic way. First, I needed to figure out what I would destroy.

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Teaser 4

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Enter the Giveaway:

To celebrate Susan's new release, we are giving away 3 e-copies of How To Live!

Enter the Rafflecopter giveaway for your chance to win!

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As an avid reader and big romance fan myself, I love sharing the stories of the different people who live in my imagination. My stories are filled with humor, a few tears, and the underlying message to not give up hope, even in the darkest of times, because life can change on a dime when you least expect it. This theme comes from a lifetime of lessons learned on my own hard journey through the pains of poverty, the loss of more loved ones than I'd care to count, and the struggles of living through chronic illnesses. Life can be hard, but it can also be good! Through it all I've found that love, laughter, and family can make all the difference, and that's what I try to bring to every tale I tell.

I'm a happily married mom with one snarky teenage boy, and three grown "kids of my heart." I'm more widely known for my mpreg writings as Susi Hawke; this new name is a departure from that. Whether written by Susan or Susi, the books are filled with that all-important love, laughter, and family I mentioned; the only difference is that this name has no male pregnancy. I look forward to sharing my stories with you, and to bringing more romance and laughter into this world that needs it so very badly.

Connect with Susan:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/authorsusanhawke
FB: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorSusanHawke
Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/susan-hawke
Newsletter: http://bit.ly/SusanHawkeNewsletter
Audio: http://bit.ly/SusanHawkeAudio
Reader Group: www.facebook.com/groups/TheHawkesNest
Website: http://www.susihawke.com 


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Tuesday, January 19, 2021

WOMEN'S FICTION - What's Worth Keeping by Kaya McLaren

 








In Kaya McLaren's What's Worth Keeping, during one unforgettable summer, three generations of one family receive the best gift of all time: a second chance...



The day her doctor says the one word that no one wants to hear, Amy Bergstrom discovers a secret that her husband of 25 years has been keeping from her. Now that the months of treatment and surgeries are behind her, she escapes her claustrophobic life seeking healing, peace and clarity in an ancient forest in Washington State, a forest that holds memories of her childhood summers.

After dropping off his daughter at Amy's Aunt Rae's horse ranch in the mountains of New Mexico, Officer Paul Bergstrom visits the fixer-upper he had bought years ago as a place to retire with his family. Although it appears fine on the outside, the inside is a disaster--just like his marriage. When he finds himself with more off-duty time than he expected, he lovingly repairs his dream home, building the future he so desperately wants.

Witnessing her mother's health crisis had been terrifying enough, but learning the cause was genetic leaves Carly with the sense that all of her dreams are pointless. With the help of her eccentric great aunt and a Clydesdale named T. Rex, Carly just may find her faith in her future again.

Amy, Paul, and Carly discover that love and family are worth keeping in this powerful, emotional, and hopeful novel.
 






My Rating - 4 Stars!


What's Worth Keeping is a thought-provoking, powerful tale by Kayla McLaren. 

The overall tone is sadness and more sadness. But ultimately, it's a tale of survival, acceptance, and healing. 

Amy, her husband Paul, and their daughter Carly are all suffering, with each of them trying to survive the aftermath of Amy's cancer diagnosis and treatment. We all know that cancer effects all those around the one physically suffering, and this story tackles just that.

It's been a long road for Amy, with having just beaten cancer. But knowing she's done with her treatments leaves her unsure of her life now. Of course, it doesn't help that she expects her husband to leave her now. She's left depressed, lonely, unsure, and grieving for her old self. She can't bare to look at her new body. Her perspective is well handled, with care, knowledge, and compassion. 

Meanwhile Paul is suffering from an issue with his job. The aftermath of seeing terror and not being able to help anyone, has left him feeling less than. He was there, at the Oklahoma City bombing, and he still has flashbacks to all he saw that day. It's truly heart-wrenching to read his journey.

And Carly. Not only is she dealing with everything her family's gone through, she is dealing with how to tackle things. Should she be reckless and not care about anything? Should she do things to get her parents attention? And should she be tested to see if her odds of getting cancer like her mother are high?  She's only a teen and she has no clue how to process everything she's facing or how to deal with her future. 

Then there's Aunt Rae, who is one of those special characters who you'll remember for a long time. She's supportive, she's honest, she's helpful, and most of all she's caring. She loves hard and she loves fully. I love her role in this storyline. 

The writing is good, written in three povs, fully developing each character. Amy, Paul, and Carly are complex characters with an extremely complex tale. Each character's emotions are front and center, well explored, and driving the story throughout. My only complaint is that is it definitely slow. 

What's Worth Keeping is a long, detailed family tale. Kaya McLaren tackles some heavy topics and does so in a wonderful manner. I definitely recommend this book when you have time to tackle a long and serious read.




Tuesday, February 11, 2020

REVIEW TOUR & GIVEAWAY - Blue Boy: The Boxed Set (Blue Boy #1-3) by Garrett Leigh





Cover Design: Black Jazz Design






Roses are red, Valentines are…BLUE!

Three steamy bestselling novellas set within the Blue Boy world. All three novellas are set in and around the Los Angeles based Blue Boy Studio, an adult film company with a difference.

BOOK 1 – Bullet: Levi is a power top with an alcoholic mother, and a chip on his shoulder. Sonny’s a dancer with attitude and the biggest heart. Their scene together is just another day at work until Levi realises he’s falling hard for the twink he used to hate. Enemies to lovers is inevitable.


BOOK 2 – Bones: Skater boy Cam is a veteran actor at Blue Boy adult studio. Nursing an unrequited crush on his boss, he’s never needed anything else until kind-hearted Sasha rides into his life on his BMX. They share more than mutual attraction, and when Cam find himself in need of some healing comfort, friendship turns to love.


BOOK 3 – Bold: Go-go dancer Kai has never been the object of anyone’s desire, at least not for real, away from the adult studio where he films scene after scene from the bottom. Then quiet Matthew enters his life. A scene with a difference comes to call, if Kai can figure out how to truly own Matthew, inside and out.




All three novellas guarantee a happily-ever-after.


Review 
My Rating - 4 Stars!

Blue Boy: The Boxed Set is a compilation of three Blue Boy novels by Garrett Leigh. Each story, revolving around the Blue Boy porn studio is well done, full of complex and multi-layered storylines

In book one (4 Stars)  there's a sexual awakening take, complete with a gut-wrenching backstory. There's a big, tough top who's being bribed to bottom for the 1st time. As Sonny helps Levi prepare to bottom, Levi discovers a whole new side to himself. I really enjoyed this story. The characters are great, the storyline intriguing, and the writing well done. Sonny's dancing is written in a manner that the reader can easily visualize the sexuality. It's an enjoyable tale. 

The second book (4 Stars) is riveting, dealing with a cancer scare. Cam's finding himself pondering love outside of porn. Meeting Sasha, who's a cancer survivor, throws Cam for a loop. It's a good multi-layered tale with great dialogue and a complex, deep plot. 

The third book (3 stars) is good, but the ending left me hanging, which frustrated me greatly. I need to know how each couple ends up, especially one of the couples, but I don't want to give away anything. As for the Kai and Matthew, I enjoy their story, enjoyable as Kai finally finds someone to get his mind off of Sonny. The pace of this one is slow. It's definitely is my least favorite of the three. 

Overall, I enjoyed this series, but am left needing more. I need to know what happens to a certain lovable couple.








Garrett Leigh is an award-winning British writer and book designer.

Garrett's debut novel, Slide, won Best Bisexual Debut at the 2014 Rainbow Book Awards, and her polyamorous novel, Misfits was a finalist in the 2016 LAMBDA awards.

When not writing, Garrett can generally be found procrastinating on Twitter, cooking up a storm, or sitting on her behind doing as little as possible, all the while shouting at her menagerie of children and animals and attempting to tame her unruly and wonderful FOX.

Garrett is also an award winning cover artist, taking the silver medal at the Benjamin Franklin Book Awards in 2016. She designs for various publishing houses and independent authors at blackjazzdesign.com, and co-owns the specialist stock site moonstockphotography.com with renowned LGBTQA+ photographer Dan Burgess.








Thursday, May 23, 2019

BLOG TOUR - Saint Unshamed (A Gay Mormon's Life) by Kerry Ashton



BLOG TOUR


Book Title: SAINT UNSHAMED: A Gay Mormon’s Life 

Healing from the Shame of Religion, Rape, Conversion Therapy & Cancer

Author: Kerry Ashton 

Publisher: Lynn Wolf Enterprises

Cover Artist: Kerry Ashton 

Release Date: April 17, 2019

Genres: A Gay Memoir featuring M/M Romance & some hard core sex

Tropes: Forbidden love, Rape, Mormon Religion

Themes: Coming out, Forgiveness, Overcoming Religion, Rape, Police Surveillance & Arrest, Conversion Therapy including Electric Shock Treatments, and a 16-year battle with rare cancer

Heat Rating: 5 flames

There are many erotic passages—most are hardcore, erotic and explicit passages, all M/M. Many deal with scenes of sexual humiliation, degradation, group scenes, S&M and/or the gay male leather scene.

Length: 120 000 words /348 pages incl. 14 pages of B&W photos from author’s private collection.




“A TRIUMPHANT MEMOIR!” Clarion Books


Blurb

The first paragraph of Kerry Ashton's new memoir explains a lot: “I told this story once as fiction in the 1980s, but this time I tell the truth. I even tell the truth, in #MeToo fashion, about being violently raped by another man when I was 18, with a knife held to my throat—a secret I kept from everyone, including myself, for over 40 years. The rape, like other experiences I endured while a student at Brigham Young University, where I came out in the early 1970s, had a profound impact on my later life. But this story is not so much about my rape or my coming of age at BYU, as it is about the lifelong effects of shame itself, not only about how I internalized and inherited a wounding shame from my Mormon upbringing, but also how I eventually unshamed myself. It is about the journey of a lifetime, finding spiritual growth, self-discovery and healing along the way, while encountering many miraculous events that pushed me forward through darkness toward the light.”

Telling about his experiences during his four years at BYU—the rape, falling in love for the first time, police surveillance, harassment and arrest, while enduring three years of conversion therapy and electric shock treatments—provide the structure of Kerry’s memoir. But intermittently, the author shares memories from his childhood, growing up Mormon in Pocatello, Idaho, and later from his adulthood, as well as from his professional career as an actor and writer, both in L.A. and NYC, describing encounters with Barbra Streisand, Elizabeth Taylor, Bette Davis and Julie Harris, while detailing his experiences with Tennessee Williams and his brief affair with Stephen Sondheim. Lastly, he talks about the 12 years he spent in therapy, about his 16-year battle with cancer, how he eventually rid himself of the shame internalized from his Mormon youth, sharing glimpses into his sexual journey from his innocent youth through S&M and the gay leather scene in mid-life to the loving monogamous relationship he now enjoys.


Review 


My Rating - 5 Stars!



I have to admit I was weary of reading Saint Unshamed just because it is a memoir. But, wow. Just wow. I am elated to have discovered this amazing and heartfelt story by Kerry Ashton.

The author holds nothing back in retelling his life. His account his raw, real, and gritty, and will have the reader feeling all the emotions along with the author.

I found myself saddened and angry that anyone has to be brought up in a church where homosexuality is viewed as an extreme sin. If you want to understand the harm the Mormon church has done to it's homosexual children, read this. I am hurting for all those former Mormons who are now openly gay, as well as any lgbt child currently being raised as Mormon. 

Kerry's life story consists of vivid retelling of rape, learning about sex, and conversion therapy. The rape scene is graphic, rough and downright horrific to read, and even worse are the lifelong consequences of this assault. A victim of conversion therapy, those scenes are gut-wrenching and will have the reader devastated on Kerry's behalf.

An absolute must read for anyone looking to understand more about the Mormon church's feelings on homosexuality. A retelling of growth, healing, and acceptance, it's honest, painful, and haunting.

This book centers around the realistic opinion that organized religion is something where views and thoughts are forced upon people, instead of allowing one to make their own opinions. To know this story is true, not just to Kerry, but to many gay Mormon men, is devastating. Absolutely horrid and vile. My heart hurts for all of these men. 



Kerry's writing is fantastic and heartfelt, with a non-stop pace and a vivid recounting of his upbringing. My only complaint is that the author jumps around with the time line throughout. Other than that, the writing is perfect, as it's written with depth and precision.

Sometimes you just find a story that you feel for weeks afterwards. Saint Unshamed is one of those stories. Kerry Ashton's life story if full of homophobia, shame, and family issues, along with fear and despair. It is an excellent memoir that I'd recommend to anyone. 





Buy Links





   




Excerpt


READ PART ONE HERE

The Holy War, as I have come to think of it, began on a hot day in early September 1971, the day I left Pocatello to drive four hours south to Provo, Utah, to attend Brigham Young University. As in all wars, whether holy or unholy, it would not be without its casualties.

I spent the morning packing things in my ‘56 Chevrolet, parked in the spot on the lawn where our driveway would have been had my parents ever had the money to pave it. A yellow-and-bronze, two- door coupe with cream interior, a huge cream steering wheel, and black dashboard, the car had class, which is why I named it Oscar— after the Academy Awards I hoped to win one day.

As I packed Oscar full of boxes, Dad worked under the hood of the car. Once Oscar was filled with boxes, I sank down on our front lawn. Knowing this would be my last day at home, I tried to capture everything I saw and felt around me: The red of Mom's roses framing our side porch, the hazy blue of the late morning sky, the large pine tree at the front of our corner lot, and the blue-grey crag of Scout Mountain in the distance, where I had always imagined Santa’s sleigh flew over on Christmas Eve.

Hearing Mom humming in the kitchen as she prepared lunch, everything seemed right in my Latter-Day-Saint world.

Getting up from the grass, I walked over to where Dad was still working under Oscar’s hood. “Everything look okay, Dad?” I asked.

“Oh, sure,” Dad replied in his folksy way. “I just wanted to make sure everything’s good with your car. I don’t want you stranded on the highway.”

Though I had fulfilled every church obligation, I was not the mechanic that Dad had hoped each of his three sons would become. I left mechanical jobs to Dad or to my two older brothers, both married by then.

“I love you, Dad,” I said suddenly. He stopped tinkering with the spark plugs and looked up at me. “I love you, too, son,” he replied, embracing me with a greasy hug.

Mom came out on the side porch just then. Wiping her hands on her apron, she called out to us, “Okay, you two! Lunch is ready!”

I washed my hands at the kitchen sink and let Dad wash his hands in the bathroom. Then I joined Mom at the kitchen table while we waited for Dad.

“Kerry Lynn,” she whispered, stroking my dark brown hair as she often did, “I don't know what I'm going to do without you.”

Now a grown-up, or so I thought, I bristled at her calling me by both my given names as it sounded so girlish. But since it was my last day at home, I chose to ignore it.

“With all the kids married,” Mom continued, “and you going off to college, this house is going to feel awfully empty without you.”

“Maybe you and Dad will finally get some peace and quiet,” I kidded. “Maybe now you two can finally go on that second honeymoon you’ve talked about.”

“Maybe,” she said, laughing as she reached out to hold me. “I

love you, Kerry.” As she held me tight, I never wanted to let go. Once Dad joined us at the table, he said a blessing on the food, as we always did in our home.

After the blessing, we tore through the food. Mom had made some of my favorites: Her wonderful potato and egg salad, savory burgers with all the trimmings, and delicious corn-on-the-cob bought fresh from the farmer’s market.

After lunch, we went into the living room where Dad anointed my head with oil, laid his hands upon my head, and gave me a sacred Father's Blessing—the blessing of a Melchizedek Priesthood Elder— warning me to be “mindful of the Adversary.”

Before I left that day, Dad took a photograph of me standing in front of Oscar. Barely 18 and dressed neatly, at 6’3” and 190 pounds, I was the very image of a conservative, clean-cut, LDS young man who loved his Mormon family, the LDS Church, and his Heavenly Father.

I arrived at Salt Lake City three hours later. From there, it took me another hour driving south on Interstate 15 before I arrived in the city of Provo.

Taking my first glimpse that day of Provo through Oscar’s wide windshield, I could see the white LDS Temple huddled against the Wasatch Mountains, its golden steeple gleaming in the late afternoon sun. Further north, Mount Timpanogos reached heavenward, while a sign at the main entrance to the BYU campus read: “The World Is Our Campus.” In reality, the campus became my world.

Driving north past the immense Cougar Stadium, and then into the foothills just beyond the BYU campus, then turning east and heading toward the mountains, I came to the huge Marriott Sports Arena under construction on my right, and stopped at the light. Once the light turned green, I made a left turn onto Sumac Avenue, climbing dramatically into the foothills, before pulling into the driveway in front of my new off-campus apartment.



About the Author

Raised in Pocatello, Idaho as a Mormon in the heart of Mormon Zion, Kerry attended BYU in the early 70s, where some of the most dramatic events recounted in his memoir took place.

Always interested in pursuing a career as both an actor and writer, Kerry wrote his first play, BUFFALO HEAD NICKELSat the age of 17, and published it at 18. Since then, he has published several works, among them most prominently THE WILDE SPIRIT, a one-man play with music, in which Ashton starred as Oscar Wilde, and also wrote the play’s book, music and lyrics. The play won Kerry critical acclaim for both his writing and performance, and three 1977 L.A. Civic Star Awards for Best Actor, Play and Direction. The play ran for three consecutive seasons in Provincetown, MA from 1990-1992, and was produced Off-Broadway in 1996, winning Kerry a National Award of Merit from ASCAP. The author now makes his home with his partner Victor Ramirez in South Florida. For more info, visit www.KerryAshton.com.



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